We talked in his car during band practice one night. I wasn't dressed for the cold and that was the excuse.
We'd been talking a little, here and there, for a few weeks ... but getting into the warm car, closed off from anyone who might hear us, made some sort of difference.

When I felt the tingling feeling, we weren't even talking. It was quiet. He was looking for a tape to play. I looked up from counting my fingers and he was looking at me and we both just sort of smiled.

We were comfortable in an awkward teenage sort of way.

I couldn't believe it was happening to me. I was a crip and an oddball to boot. It just never occurred to me that anyone would have any interest in me until I got out of our backwater high school.

We fell hard for each other. Spent hours just gazing into each other's eyes, stroking each other, talking about everything we could share. We had already decided we were going to be together forever before we had sex.

When we did, it was quick and uncomfortable and we were scared (we were in my twin bed thinking parents could walk in any minute). But we practiced a lot after that and it did get better. It was good to learn together.

It couldn't be evil. We were sure we were married in the eyes of God.

Three years later, I went to college. He'd already been there a year. Suddenly the world opened up to me and it didn't seem right to be locked into this "forever" deal anymore. I wasn't ready to marry and I suddenly wasn't sure I ever would be.

When I quit our relationship, I didn't realize that's what was happening. He did. He was anguished and I wanted to comfort him, but I couldn't comfort him and "see other people" at the same time. So I said goodbye and I told him he couldn't keep coming back.

It took a while, but we got used to just being friends.

Years later, I introduced him to my roommate. They married and their five-year-old is my very good friend. His recent picture with Santa sits beside my computer as I write. My life is so much richer with his family in it.

It was a love that will last forever.

It just wasn't meant to be the way we thought it was ... way back when.